Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
