After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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