My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize