Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
