Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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