all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
