Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
