listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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