Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize