It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
