He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
