how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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