Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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