he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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