And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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