96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
