coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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