Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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