He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He better not be in your backpack
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
