Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
