Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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