I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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