My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
