they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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