then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
