woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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