Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
