I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
