Your dad touched me again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
