I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize