In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
