3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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