in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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