it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
