I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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