I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
