it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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