im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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