I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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