I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
