I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
