I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
