his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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