It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
