I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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