Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
