I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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