Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
