He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
