I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
