Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
