Define "chronic" masturbator.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
