I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
