I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
