Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
