he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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