He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
