i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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