That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
