I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
