woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
