So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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