She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
