fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
