I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
