The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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