Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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