god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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