ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
time to smoke my breakfast
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
