I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
