Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
should my penis look like a turkey
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
