then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
