Small penises have feelings too.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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