You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
