Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
