who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
