I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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