at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
