it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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