I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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