I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
