I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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