I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
as a side note pls kill me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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