I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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