Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
