She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
