go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
